There Was Only Passion

 It was a late evening as Faiyaz walked out of Vathai’s stronghold located on Dromund Kaas. She had already been beaten to a pulp, stabbed in the shoulder during a spar, and pushed to the extreme. The conversation between the two of them left her emotionally distraught whether she’d acknowledge it or not. He reminded her of the man she called father. Qaihoir always pushed her so hard. He yelled at her whenever she failed to live up to his high expectations. It was the last reminder she’d expect to come across during her apprenticeship at Odacai Saarai, especially from one pureblood to another. Was it worth the trouble to prove a point to her royal Sith father or to lay her life on the line? Or should she return to live amongst the depths of the space for herself and ignore the war she was born, not by choice, to fight in?

“To kill or be killed,” was a phrase that was marinated into the thick marrow of her bones, especially growing up as a pure-blooded Sith. Her father expected no less from her. The conversations they had never revolved around love, but rather aggression. Her mother, however, displayed that affection for Faiyaz. Ulfa managed to heal those verbal wounds that she’d received from her father. Her childhood was ransacked with training and her blood. One time, Faiyaz would stay up gazing at the stars, only to be caught sleeping in. After the servant’s poor attempts, frustrated Qaihoir would violently snatch her up out of her bed. She was placed in combat gear at the academy each morning and handed training sabers. That's how Faiyaz remembered her childhood. However, the most painful memory was being ripped away from her mother to train when she had already said no. That memory, figuratively, left a gaping hole in her heart. No matter what time of day or night, he’d pushed her again and again. She hated it and abhorred him with every passing moment. Surprisingly, it took her first heartache and vicious training for her to realize that. She needs more than the ability to fight to live. She needed love. However, she didn’t know how to go about receiving the passion she'd once experienced. Her first love, Ulfa her deceased mother, came to mind.

Faiyaz boarded her ship and had flown out from Dromund Kaas and headed to her mother’s gravesite on Korriban. Her ship hovered above the planet’s surface before it landed. Before she departed from the ship, Faiyaz removed her pauldrons from over her shoulders and peered at the wound that still seeped blood from being so deep. She hissed as she removed the bandages and started to apply the little kolto she had on onboard with her. Near her torso were the bruises from sparring with Vathai. She shrugged still upset but continued to get dressed. She changed her armor and put on her white robe with a crimson sash wanting to look her best despite how her body felt. Faiyaz walked through the plaza near the academy, past the slaves that have been recruited. Then, she took the long way down to the old caverns and walked through the archway where her deceased mother was buried. The tears that she held back came bubbling forth from her waterline eventually causing droplets to bead on the hard dusty surface. 

“Ulfa. I miss you so much.” she gasped as her tears choked her up. “I had successfully learned how to fight, how to survive, and how to kill from my father. However, today, I realized that I needed the love you've shown and the vulnerability of your emotions. I lacked it all. I don’t know how to love or how to feel. I grew up from his hatred for me. His hatred for us. I wish you were here to help me. I... need you.” 

Faiyaz clenched her long tresses putting stress on them as she continued.

“Motina. I’ve finally experienced love. However, I’d manage to push him away. He was adamant to have me...to love me. So he continued to love me and stay with me, despite my stubbornness. Is that, love?  He’d buy me food, fancy bantha steaks. He'd also taken care of me, and made me a better person. However, I wasted each moment with him, by working on scientific findings and tending to my pet, Rak. I didn’t notice he was slipping away from me. I was too late. He had given up hope that we would thrive as a couple. I wish. I wish-  you could’ve met him.” She wiped her eyes with her hands and then fidget with them. “I didn’t deserve him or his selfless love. Just look at me now, I have nothing to look forward to. I’ve finally let you down, I had promised to make your death worthy, yet here I am alone, stealing from my Father who hates me, and I’m barely making it. Peace is a lie, there... was only passion.”

Faiyaz grew silent abruptly. There was a presence, foreign but familiar, that drew close to her. She reached for her sabers. The dark energy grew stronger and stronger as it did the cuffs of her hands wrapped snugly around the hilts of her sabers. She readied herself for the dark presence but suddenly it started to fade away fast. Not letting it fall to the wayside, Faiyaz bid her final adieus to her mother’s grave and then followed the keen presence as she still sensed it. She dashed through the crowd and came within close range but remained out of sight peering from behind a stone column. There he was, Darth Zimri with his new wife, and up the pathway was a younger pureblood woman who walked up towards them. Her father welcomed her with open arms and hugged her. He was beaming with pride. The scarlet pureblood had a nose ring, golden piercings, and a necklace, no doubt with his insignia on it. It wouldn’t take long as Darth Zimri noted his firstborn’s presence as his eyes scanned over the area quickly. Faiyaz ran furiously back towards her ship far away from the Sith Academy, past the old caverns not looking back once. Darth Zimri knew it was her but didn’t pursue her, for now. Why was his daughter near her mother’s grave? What was her father up to? Questions left her mind puzzled as she headed back home on Nar Shaddaa.